


till it shines

by Ruriruri



Category: KISS (US Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:20:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21556132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruriruri/pseuds/Ruriruri
Summary: “Look, I’m not gonna quit, I swear. If we have to end the tour, we have to end the tour. We get dropped from the label, we get dropped from the label. We lick our wounds and we try somewhere else. But until then, we got awhile in this hotel.”“And no shows.”“Yeah.”During a five-day lull in concerts, stranded in an Atlanta hotel, Peter and Paul find a means to entertain themselves.
Relationships: Peter Criss/Paul Stanley (KISS)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	till it shines

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired and based to a heavy extent on a very lovely, NSFW fanart concerning Paul's on-tour artistic endeavors. No, not the ones he showcases in galleries. https://kisses-for-all.livejournal.com/262.html

It was the last day of the Gay Kitchen, with honorable maître d’s, cooks, servers, and busboys Peter Criss and Paul Stanley manning KISS’ dwindling hotel fridge and supply closet. At least, it was supposed to be. Peter didn’t know if after last night, it was still on the table.

At first, they’d really wanted to go all-out with the band dinners, but their budget hadn’t permitted it. One last hurrah before they had to limp back to New York, with a single failed record to their names and all the notoriety of four strays in a junkyard. Back to Lydia for Peter—and Lydia wasn’t so bad, Lydia wasn’t so bad at all; she’d supported him through worse screw-ups and disappointments, but it was what she represented. A guy who still wasn’t paying the bills four years into the marriage wasn’t any better than a bum. She’d thought she’d found somebody who’d be going places. She’d been wrong.

For Paul, the prospect of going home was just as disastrous. At least, that was how he made it out to be. He’d get into these depressed rambles about his parents and his sister and his niece and how coming back just wasn’t an option.

“Not an option? C’mon, you were in college, what, a couple of quarters—”

Paul had winced and licked his lips, a quick, nervous tic Peter had gotten far too accustomed to seeing as the band’s money situation worsened.

“I only went a week. Don’t tell Gene.” And a swallow. “Look, it’s stupid. I know. But I was born to play rock and roll, okay?”

“You’re preaching to the fucking choir.”

“I mean… if I can’t do this, if I can’t make this happen, I might as well not be here. This is the only outlet I’ve got.”

Peter had rubbed the back of his neck and tried not to groan. Overblown as ever. Paul thought Peter was the dramatic one, the tetchy one, just because he had enough balls to address what was pissing him off instead of keeping it to occasional bitchy comments. Paul never seemed to hear his own whines.

“You think you’re the only one with a dream around here?” Peter couldn’t even bite back the rest. “How old were you when the Beatles got on Ed Sullivan? Ten?”

“Twelve,” Paul had grumbled back. “Don’t make this an age thing—”

“I was just out of high school. And I was already in bands—”

“Pete, I know, I know already. You keep telling me.” Paul heaved a sigh. “You keep telling all of us.”

“You’ve got to pay your dues, that’s all it is.”

“Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues.” The right edge of Paul’s mouth was starting to perk up.

“Yeah.” Peter tugged absently at his bangs, trying not to let himself get too good a look at what he’d been seeing since before he even auditioned for KISS. The semi-permanent dye they all used worked fine on brown hair, but past that first wash, it was useless on gray. The streaks were more obvious against the jet-black backdrop than they’d ever been when he left his hair alone. “Look, I’m not gonna quit, I swear. If we have to end the tour, we have to end the tour. We get dropped from the label, we get dropped from the label. We lick our wounds and we try somewhere else. But until then, we got awhile in this hotel.”

“And no shows.”

“Yeah.” No shows for the next five days at least. Their last pitiful handful of concerts, they’d opened for some redneck band. Outlaws or something. That was another depressing thing. Peter had always expected to at least be friendly with the bands they were the lead-in for, but they’d only been met with indifference at best and hostility at worst. Never ended up opening for the same band more than a few times, either. It just made the whole tour all the lonelier.

He realized after a second that Paul was staring at him. The guy had a weird stare. Kind of like a broke bagboy waiting on his tip, or maybe just like a girl who was really hoping for a proposal. Big-eyed, eager, and not remotely calculating. It might have pissed Peter off, if Paul didn’t always follow it up with an abashed grin once he was caught.

“You’re thinking about something,” Paul said, before Peter could make the accusation himself.

“Yeah. I’m thinking we all need cheering up.”

“You need cheering up, Peter.”

“You just finished telling me you’d die if you didn’t make it, Paul.” He paused, still staring at the fridge. “And fuck, I’m gonna die if I have to eat at McDonalds one more time.”

“Well, they’ve got Steak ’n Shake here, if you’d rather.”

Peter groaned.

“Not when you’re in a fucking blouse and heels. The crowd thinking we’re fruits is bad enough.” Before Paul could even stammer out a protest, something about it being rock and roll, or about needing more practice in the heels—God, _c’mon_ —Peter continued. “No. I thought we could make our own dinner while we’re here. Really make it, not just sandwiches and shit. Real food. We got the kitchen for it. And it’d save Bill some money. You know how to cook, right?” He knew Gene didn’t. Ace just wouldn’t.

“I’d hope so. My mom started leaving us home alone when I was eight.”

“Poor, poor little Paulie.” Peter rolled his eyes. “We could—we could make it themed, even. Make out like it’s a restaurant. Menus and shit. Invite the guys down for dinner.”

Paul brightened, which surprised him. Usually he’d be sore for hours over the slightest crack at his expense, like some spoiled, anxious kid. But for once, he actually seemed excited.

“Like Italian one night, maybe? We could make pizza…”

“Yeah, sure, lemme get a shopping list going.”

After three beers apiece, they’d named their restaurant the Gay Kitchen, decided they’d act the part of its bent proprietors, and written up a menu full of double-entendres. An hour later, still drunk, they’d pooled their money and ventured out to town in jeans and the lowest of their heels. They’d bought twenty bucks’ worth of groceries, which should have been plenty. Then they’d started in on meal prep.

Strange how fun it was. Especially that first night, working on a poor man’s casserole, with the radio on and Paul standing next to him chopping up onions, his hands encased in Ziploc sandwich bags because he didn’t want the smell on his skin, while Peter cut half-frozen chicken breasts into ragged little cubes. They’d tossed the whole thing into the pan with some salt and pepper, dumped a can of cream of mushroom soup on top, stuck it in the oven and hoped for the best. He knew they should’ve gone with canned stuff entirely, especially for the meat, if they’d really wanted to save money, but the Gay Kitchen experience demanded the expenditure. At least, that was their excuse.

Besides, Ace and Gene had loved it. Not for the food so much. Peter figured their dinners were decent, maybe even good, sometimes, but he couldn’t kid himself. There was nothing impressive about a dessert course that included Hostess cupcakes “with fresh Cool Whip.” But the makeshift restaurant had done the job. Cheered them all up. No one said a word during any of the dinners about the tour ending or going back home. Not a single word. And he and Paul had screwed around, too, acting faggy, hitting on each other and the guys indiscriminately throughout the meals. Last night, Paul had even groped his ass while he was mincing around plating everyone’s food.

“I had to take him off the menu.” Peter could’ve sworn Paul was deliberately making that annoying lisp of his even worse during each dinner. Pitching his voice into a whine, too. Some commitment. Peter had glanced up, questioningly, but Paul had just ignored him and continued. “You see why, right? He’s got such a nice ass—all the boys were looking, I couldn’t help but get jealous—”

“Course you’re jealous. You dieted yours off, Paulie,” Ace had retorted with a laugh. Peter had been vaguely surprised Paul didn’t break character at that, just clicked his tongue disapprovingly, his hand still on Peter’s ass. Not squeezing anymore, thank God, but Peter had still felt the ghost of Paul’s fingers there hours later when they’d both turned in for bed.

Looking back, maybe that was where it had really started. Glancing over at Paul on the double bed next to his, watching him, knees up, with the pad of hotel stationery in his lap and a pencil in his hand, Peter had cleared his throat. Paul lifted his head from where he’d been scribbling.

“Yeah?”

“What’re you drawing?”

Paul held up the stationery without a hint of embarrassment. The usual weirdly accurate assortment of veiny, disembodied dicks covered the page.

“What do you always draw those for, anyway?”

Paul shrugged.

“I dunno. Why does Gene refuse to shower?”

“Because his mom told him even his B.O. was sacred.” Peter rolled his eyes. “You got a fixation.”

“ _ You’ve _ got a fixation. You’re the one always getting your dick out.”

“Getting it out’s not the same as drawing it. … That’s not even your dick. Whose do you keep on—”

“I went to art school, asshole.” There wasn’t much of an edge to Paul’s words, Peter noticed. “Life drawing comes with the territory.”

“In high school? Jesus.” Peter cocked his head, trying to decide if Paul was bullshitting him, but Paul was already back to doodling, his eyes averted. “You ever gonna attach them to anybody, or are they just gonna keep floating around?”

“Well, I thought I’d attach them to you, but then I realized that’d mean I’d have to draw your face.”

“Oh, fuck you, Paul.” He didn’t know why, but he got up then, moved to sit on Paul’s bed. Paul stopped scribbling just long enough to shift over for him. Peter leaned in, vying for a better look at the sketches. Six, no, seven dicks, from a couple different angles, all varying levels of erect. The balls were so accurate it was almost disturbing. “Ain’t even mine. They’re too small.”

“These are scaled down.”

“The shape’s wrong, too. Was that one supposed to be bent like that?” Peter pointed at the offending cock, right in the center of the paper. He kind of thought it was intentional. There was something uncanny about Paul’s artwork—well, the dick drawings, anyway. His other offerings, at least the ones Peter had seen—splattery acrylic abstracts from his high school portfolio, and the occasional insulting cartoon of his bandmates on the back of a paper napkin—lacked that attention to detail. And that enthusiasm. It was weird. Forget the rockstar shit; Peter almost wondered if Paul’s true calling was illustrating gay porno mags.

Paul shifted the paper, blinking at him slowly.

“Are you really critiquing my doodles here?”

“Well, yeah. If you’re gonna draw dicks, at least don’t draw them bent.”

“What’s wrong with drawing them bent? Some guys have fucked-up dicks.”

“Who do you know with a fucked-up dick? Gene?” Paul’s was fine. Smaller than his, sure, but there wasn’t anything the matter with it. Peter got a good look at it in the showers after concerts, and during occasional threesomes with college girls that didn’t qualify as groupies. Paul didn’t care about nudity any more than he or Ace did, which was a relief. Especially since Gene was so weird about it. Months on the road and he still wouldn’t strip down in front of the band. Peter had asked Paul why. Paul had said something about Gene going to some Jewish school and that giving him hang-ups, which sounded ridiculous to Peter. If Jewish school was anything like Catholic school, then it was a flimsy excuse for changing in closets and behind closed doors like some chick. Gene probably just had something terribly, shamefully wrong with his dick. Smallness or herpes or both.

“What? No.”

Pete scooted over some more. Paul’s posture was slightly stiffer than it had been before, but he still moved to give Peter room. Not that the double bed had much space to begin with.

“Does that mean you’ve seen it?” Peter wasn’t sure why he was pressing the issue. Probably because Paul didn’t seem all that uncomfortable. In fact, ever since the start of the Gay Kitchen, he’d been more relaxed, more talkative. It’d been nice. Peter watched Paul’s lips purse for a second before he replied.

“Come off it. I don’t have the right equipment for the privilege.”

“Just eat some more and you’ll get the tits down.”

“Oh, fuck you, Pete.” Paul jabbed his elbow into Peter’s ribs, just hard enough for Peter to jerk back, but after a second he was scooting in closer again, just to prove he couldn’t be nudged off that easily.

Maybe it had been a lower blow than Peter had meant to take. God knew the poor guy worried more about his weight than a chick. Lydia once said Paul was shaped like a rectangle. Just thick, straight lines from his shoulders all the way to his ass, and no definition anywhere. And he had been, but that wasn’t the case these days. Paul had ended up with a bad bout of stomach flu about a month and a half into the tour. He would pull himself together enough to do the night’s show, but afterwards, Peter’d had to listen to him get up, agonized and grunting, at two in the morning, and hear him retching into the hotel toilet. Paul had probably dropped fifteen pounds since then. Maybe more.

He looked better now. His abdomen still wasn’t flat and he still cinched in his waist with a corset onstage, but Peter figured Paul did look a little closer to—well, whatever the hell a frontman was supposed to look like—and a little farther from the shy kid from Queens who drove the band’s milk truck to and from gigs. Shouldn’t be something Peter was already nostalgic about, especially since they were probably right about to head back to the milk trucks and ballrooms, but he was.

He could hear the scratch of Paul’s pencil against the stationery. Paul wasn’t going to retort. He’d just sulk and doodle more dicks until he got tired enough to turn off the lamp and tell Peter to get off the bed so he could sleep. Peter licked his lips, mouth suddenly dry, and he spoke.

“You know what? Maybe you  _ should _ draw mine.”

He hadn’t thought the comment through. It just splattered from the corner of his brain to his mouth. Maybe he was just trying to get a response out of Paul, see if he could come up with an insulting way to put him off, or if he’d just stammer out a refusal. Instead, all Peter got in return was a raised eyebrow.

“Your dick?”

“Yeah, my dick.”

“You’re volunteering?”

Shit. Shit, now he had to commit to it. Peter shrugged, somehow managed a tilted sort of grin, and leaned back on his hands.

“Why not? Least that’d keep you from doing all those crooked, veiny ones.”

“Yeah, ’cause yours is fucking Adonis,’ right—”

Adonis must’ve been some underground rocker only college kids had ever heard of. Peter wasn’t about to admit to his own ignorance.

“Nobody’s complained yet. C’mon, Paulie, how about it?”

Paul hesitated visibly. Peter almost didn’t think he was going to agree to it. Too nerved-out by the suggestion. But then Paul nodded, his black curls—somewhat limper without the Aquanet and teasing brush forcing them into bushy, puffy proportions—bouncing slightly as he did.

“Yeah, sure. Go ahead.”

Peter yanked off the ratty pajama pants that were all he ever went to bed in, tossing them to the floor. Turned around so he was facing Paul head-on, legs stretched in front of him. He could feel Paul staring at his face, and then at his cock, as he tore out the doodle-covered paper and started on the fresh one beneath. He hadn’t gotten more than a few scribbles in when Peter realized—

“Hey, wait a minute. You’re not drawing it soft.”

“I’m just gonna draw what I see.”

“No, you aren’t. Hang on.”

“Hang on?”

Paul blinked, the beginnings of a mild smirk edging across his face. The expression didn’t really sit right on him, somehow. Paul’s mouth seemed to Peter to only really look okay when it was either pursed in a pout or spread in a hopeless kind of smile.

Luckily, that smirk of his dissolved as soon as Peter closed his hand around his dick, starting to pump. He didn’t look at Paul while he was doing it, not at first, his gaze veering more towards the pad of paper and the burnt orange florals of the covers. His breath wasn’t hitching yet, but the pleasure was starting to seep through on practiced automatic. A little harder. A little faster, and Peter’s brow was furrowing, eyes glazed, focus on anything but his own dick starting to fade.

Except it couldn’t fade completely. Not with Paul barely a foot away from him, his big brown eyes furtively darting between Peter’s cock and the pencil, his mouth tight. Looking over at him, Peter could almost swear he saw the faint start of a blush cropping up on Paul’s cheeks. “Jesus, relax, would you? I’m not gonna come here.”

“Wow, isn’t that a relief,” Paul mumbled, rolling the pencil back and forth between his finger and thumb.

“’S not like you haven’t seen this before.” A solid five or six times by now, minus the fact that it was usually a girl’s mouth or hand on Peter’s cock instead of his own. They weren’t great at sharing the not-quite-groupies yet. It had taken awhile before they figured out positioning that’d get all three of them off, and that always hinged on whether the girl was down for it. Once they’d ended up with a chick who’d gotten too intimidated by two guys at once, and after a round of debate over who’d go first, Paul had ended up slinking off to the shower while Peter made it with her. Unsurprisingly, she’d been so satiated she’d fallen asleep by the time Paul returned, and they’d both had to lug her out of the hotel room and into the hallway. Paul had been pissed off. Peter just found it funny.

Paul looked as if he were about to say something, but then he shut his mouth. Peter exhaled, letting his eyes shut for a second while he kept pumping, no fantasy in mind, just the simple mechanics of pleasure. Jacking off was mindless, with or without an audience. Nothing meaningful. Nothing to consider. And Paul, for whatever reason, was still just watching him do it. That pencil lead hadn’t even touched the paper. Peter took a sharp breath before he spoke again.

“Good enough?”

He’d stopped himself once he was fully hard, but before any precome could dribble out from the reddened tip. He could feel his face getting flushed, a little sweat starting to trickle on his forehead, but he was all right. If things got too bad, he could always head over to the shower to finish rubbing it out, after Paul was done drawing. But he didn’t think it would come to that, though his cock twitched in protest. Paul gave a distracted nod.

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

Then he finally started to draw again. Peter leaned over, trying to get a glance in, but Paul kept covering up the pad with his other hand, swatting at him when he got too close. Peter snorted.

“C’mon, you’re not drawing the Mona Lisa here.”

“You throw me off watching.”

“What’m I supposed to do, just sit here?”

“That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.” Paul was erasing now, but carefully. One of those cheap pink erasers. He brushed the residue off the paper, and it landed on the covers, tiny black streaks of rubber against the orange comforter. Deprived of watching Paul at work, Peter tried to focus his attention on the eraser remnants, flicking them.

It didn’t really help. Despite himself, Peter was starting to squirm. He didn’t think Paul was drawing anything past his dick, but he’d been trying to stay still anyway. His thighs kept twitching involuntarily. The ache in his balls was getting irritating enough that he gave in to a few more strokes, shoving his hand in the covers as soon as he heard Paul laugh.

“You having trouble keeping it up?”

“Fuck you, you know that’s not it—”

“Gimme a couple more minutes, all right, Pete?” A pause. “And get a little closer, there…” He reached his hand out, fingers curving lightly around Peter’s bare knee, just for a second. Immaculately manicured nails, bizarre for a guitarist, even one who hadn’t played a gig in almost a week. The black nail polish hadn’t even chipped. But Peter only really noticed how the warmth against his skin seemed to linger on after Paul had withdrawn his hand. “There.”

Peter got closer. His legs were flat on the bed and spread slightly, toes touching the wall by the time he got closer; he’d ended up more to Paul’s side. His painfully hard, flushed dick stood out sharp against the rest of his body, craving attention he couldn’t—wouldn’t—give yet. He’d get that touch in later. He’d get off on his own. A couple more minutes, like Paul said. Yeah.

The amused expression on Paul’s face had shifted, gotten focused and intent. The way it did when he was trying to pull a riff together, or a set of lyrics. Peter didn’t much care for that look—usually it meant Paul would try to banish whoever was in the same room, whether it was him or Ace or even Gene, so he could be alone with whatever brilliant thoughts he had. But now that look was locked on him instead. Partially. Flattering, maybe, to be mulled over like a rhyme that didn’t flow, or a chord that wasn’t right yet, but Peter knew that if he thought too hard about it, he’d get disgusted. So he just let his mind wander to the sound of Paul’s pencil scraping across the page.

Peter didn’t really notice at first when that sound stopped. Or when Paul put the pencil down. The pad of paper was still resting on his lap. Peter inhaled, waiting, figuring Paul would hand it over—with a joking autograph, probably—any second—but then a mass of dark curls ended up right in Peter’s face. Paul was leaning in, heavily, breaths hot and heavy against Peter’s neck. He pushed away the pad of paper, his bare chest pressed up flush against Peter’s. Peter opened his mouth, started to say something, and then swallowed it down when Paul’s hand wrapped around his dick.

Peter couldn’t believe it. Didn’t protest or argue—didn’t want to. He was surprised, that was all. Surprised Paul would go for it. Have that kind of nerve. Paul didn’t pull back enough to look him in the eye. Didn’t say a word.

His palm was sweaty against Peter’s cock, fingers only a little callused. The first few strokes were too slow, unintentional teasing, but then Paul got steadier, built up a rhythm.  _ Like doing it to yourself _ , Ace had told him once, lazily, in the worst and best advice Peter had ever gotten on handjobs,  _ but different _ . Different. Peter could feel Paul’s heartbeat against him, like a pinball smashing against the bumpers. Each breath was getting more tattered, soft curses forcing their way from Peter’s throat; each inhale pushed more of Paul’s Aramis cologne into his lungs. Peter’s hands, curled up into the covers, flew up desperately as he got closer, warmth and need pulsating inside him, threatening to burst—clenching Paul’s shoulder, his back—holding him there, right  _ there _ , as he spilled into Paul’s hand.

Paul let go as abruptly as he’d started. His whole body froze up, and he shifted backwards, brushing away Peter’s hands, dark eyes wide, almost scared. He scrambled off the bed and onto Peter’s, yanking the covers around him like a little kid caught up too late.

“Paul?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, and shut off the lamp.

\--

Peter got up early the next morning, before the alarm clock, but it didn’t matter. Paul was already gone—got a cab, evidently, leaving everyone else with the crappy tour bus. Peter could hear Ace and Gene grumbling about it through the wall before he got out of bed, stopping short of the pad of paper and pencil on the floor. He picked both up and took a look.

The drawing was immaculate. Paul had gotten the balls just right. Everything. Taken the time to shade it, even, like it was a serious study. He’d signed it, too—initialed it, rather, P.S. nestled in a forlorn corner. No date. Peter tore the sheet carefully from the pad of paper, looking at it, unsure of what to do with it. Whether to keep it or not. He ended up setting it on the nightstand, face down, before crossing over to what had been his bed up until last night. He didn’t have to pull back the sheets to see the semen stain from where Paul had wiped off his hand.

He could’ve used some washing off himself after last night. No Paul hogging the shower was an empty comfort right now, as Peter turned on the water, letting it get blisteringly hot before stepping inside. It didn’t really help.

Paul was back before lunch, anyway, quiet and withdrawn. Bill was talking about booking them a couple more shows further down South—a terrifying prospect, but better than heading home—and Gene was chatting about it with all his usual enthusiasm, while Ace added vodka and ice to his coffee. Paul just looked sunk. Gene kept throwing questioning looks Paul’s way, and glancing at Peter, but if he ever asked outright, Peter never heard it.

The band meeting drifted off into nothing after awhile. Paul got up abruptly, saying something about a headache, and excused himself with about as much subtlety as a dying animal. It was a few minutes before Peter got up the nerve to follow him back to their room—and, as expected, Paul had locked the door.

“Paul, c’mon—”

The sound of the knob turning was almost gratifying. Paul was standing there, looking awkward, mouth pursed. Peter noticed, belatedly, that for all Paul had gotten up early that morning, he hadn’t shaved, stubble poking hopelessly all around his jaw. His t-shirt and jeans—one of maybe ten street outfits he’d rotated over the tour, same as Peter, same as everyone else—were rumpled past what Paul usually would allow for.

“You didn’t have to come check on me.”

“I did, we share a room.”

Paul swallowed.

“Look, if you wanna change rooms, go ahead, just don’t tell Gene about—”

“I ain’t telling Gene nothing. And I don’t wanna change rooms.” Pete exhaled. The look on Paul’s face twitched just a bit, but Peter didn’t give him a chance to respond before plowing back in. “Are we gonna do Gay Kitchen tonight?”

Paul flinched. Almost like he thought Peter meant it badly, or was making fun of him, or something. Like one of those Japanese trees, the ones with flat leaves that folded up after the briefest brush of a hand. One word and he’d curl back up. One touch, leaving Peter all out of sorts, trying to undo the trick, get those leaves to unfurl again.

“Do you want to?”

“Ace was asking earlier.”

“Oh.” Paul turned away, walking over to the kitchenette on the other side of the room. He pulled open the fridge, getting out the last can of Coke, popping the top before he really answered. “I guess.”

“C’mon, it’s our last night here. It’ll be fun.”

“We’re almost out of food.”

“We’ve got enough. Still have those hot dogs.” Peter felt awkward, still standing there, barely past the doorframe, as if he was a visitor to his own hotel room. He stepped over to sit on one of the beds. The drawing wasn’t on the nightstand anymore. “Hey—”

“What?”

Peter’s throat was suddenly a little dry. The words were out before he could hold them back.

“You didn’t have to get rid of it.”

“It was stupid.”

“No, it wasn’t. It—it was good, Paulie.”

Paul was still all tensed up. Like a battery coil on the verge of springing. Peter almost thought he was going to walk out, more prepared to face Gene and Ace or another lousy cab ride than spend the rest of the day with him, but instead, Paul sat down on the other bed.

“You really don’t wanna change rooms.” He said it flatly, borderline disbelieving, clasping the Coke can in both hands. He looked strangely young, sitting like that. The six years between them never felt like much except when Peter really let himself give it some thought. At twenty-two, he sure as hell hadn’t been on the road with a record, however indifferently-received. Hadn’t made it—with threesomes, even—with a whole bunch of girls. He resented it when he considered it, but right now, all Peter was considering was the tightness of Paul’s lips and the way he was staring at the floor.

He was just a kid, really. Scared of getting rejected as any other kid, hell, as any other adult. Putting on onstage, putting on during their dinners, only ever peeling back how he really was during all the time in between. The worries and frets, the painful, painful shyness behind every sharp retort. The panicked heartbeat against Peter’s chest last night as he’d pushed past his nerves for something he wanted.

Something Peter wanted, too.

“Fuck, no. You and me are the only ones around here that know how to pick up our own shit.”

“Pete, that’s not it—”

“No. No, it’s not it. C’mere. C’mere,” he said, quietly, scooting forward on the bed, hands resting awkwardly on either side of him, those orange covers clashing badly with his chipped black nail polish and cheap silver rings. He watched as Paul set down the Coke can and stood up, crossing the tiny threshold between their beds. He still looked like he was about to flee. One wrong word, one sudden movement and it’d be over.

So Peter was slow, agonizingly slow to take his arm and tug him forward. Paul let him do it, didn’t go rigid at all, though the fear in those wide eyes was still there. Peter wanted it to fade; suddenly, he wanted it to fade more than anything, as he got to his feet, palm hot against Paul’s arm. As he leaned in, pushing Paul’s dark curls behind his shoulder, and pressed his lips to Paul’s neck.

Paul didn’t respond at first. Then, just as Peter was about to pull away, he felt Paul’s other hand close around his. Too shy to even lock their fingers together. But that was all right. That was all right. Peter did it for him, shifting his hand in Paul’s until their fingers were laced. He raised his head, and Paul’s mouth met his, cautious and careful. None of that too-eager fooling around like with the girls. None of that silent desperation from last night. Peter liked this better, every second feeling warmer and fuller than the last. As if he was just on the brink of discovering something grand as his tongue slid across Paul’s lips and he let go of Paul’s arm to trace the stubble on his jaw, cup his chin in his hand. Paul parted his lips for him, Peter tasting cereal and toothpaste when his tongue slipped inside, but he didn’t care. Paul was opening up for him. Finally opening up.

It wasn’t too long before Paul started pressing up against him, hips rocking meaningfully against his. Somewhere along the line, he’d ended up with Paul’s hair in his fist, and he tugged, lightly, urging him forward as he sat back down on the bed. Tugged his hand, too, as if he needed to. Paul got the picture, following him down, timidity shifting to urgency, until Peter’s back was pressed against the mattress. Peter thought about yanking his hair hard for that one, and he might have, except Paul kept kissing him all the way down, except Paul’s knee was rubbing against his crotch, his thin blue jeans barely a barrier at all.

Peter’s breath hitched as Paul shifted lower, moving off of him enough that Peter could shuck off his own shirt and toss it to the floor. Paul was unzipping him, those long, thin fingers hooking around his belt loops and pulling down his jeans. Freeing his cock, already far too hard, worse than last night, easily. Peter took a sharp inhale when Paul sank down, pushing his thighs apart with his knee, and started to lick at his cock. All the way down, pouring on the attention, fingers pressing hard against his hips, keeping them steady. Peter watched, dazed, breaths hitching, until Paul’s warm mouth was around just the tip of his cock.

“Paul, hold on.”

Paul pulled back, lifting his head like he’d done something wrong.

“What?”

“You don’t know how to do it, don’t worry about it.” It was just a guess, but Peter figured it was a good enough one. And that wasn’t all of it. He didn’t think Paul would give himself enough leeway for a screw-up. Perfection or nothing.

Paul hesitated.

“But—”

“It’s okay, man.” It was hard to think past the blood pumping straight to his dick, going untouched for now, but Peter was managing, barely. The brief image of Paul with his lips around his dick was promising enough, the lead-in for a dozen jerk-off fantasies already. Maybe more than that. “Just—c’mon, let me—”

He tugged Paul back up, helping him peel off his t-shirt, then his jeans and underwear. Taking him in like this, with no girl between them, didn’t feel strange or wrong or any of that bullshit; it felt good, every shed layer lending Peter more skin to touch, making him more certain of everything. Despite the concert performances, despite the threesomes and the locker room showers, he’d never really gotten a sense of Paul’s physicality before. Now that Paul was straddling him, hair hanging in his face, mouth pressed to his neck, his ear, Peter could really see it all, the wide, powerful build of his chest before it bore down against Peter’s, his arms, taut and muscular, tensing as Peter’s hands tightened around them. Paul’s cock brushed against his, sending a jolt of electricity through Peter, and then he was grinding up against him, their hips flush, flesh against flesh. Peter was cursing before long, the stimulation maddening, almost agonizing because it wasn’t quite enough. Paul seemed like he sensed it, reaching over, taking both their cocks together in one hand—but Peter shook his head.

“I’ve got a better idea.”

“Yeah?” Paul’s fingers rolled up against his cock just so, the pressure of his hand and his dick incredible enough that Peter almost changed his mind. Looking up at him, that slightly-sweaty brow, those dark eyes, dilated and needy, Peter nodded, fingers closing on Paul’s wrist.

“Yeah. I already know you can jack me off.” An exhale. “Get on your back and I’ll show you what I can do.”

Paul let go of him. There was a little consternation somewhere in his expression, a hesitancy Peter tried to erase, hand running down Paul’s hairy chest, fingers tweaking a nipple, but Paul did as he’d asked, grasping Peter by the shoulders and rolling them both over. Peter shifted, repositioning himself on top of Paul, putting his hands beneath his thighs. Almost immediately, Paul stiffened up, started to try and lift up his legs. Peter pushed them back down before he could.

“Nah, we’re not doing that. Don’t worry.” Peter watched some of the tension fade from Paul’s face, curiosity replacing it. “Spread your legs out a little… there, now…” He slid his dick between Paul’s thighs, tip right up against Paul’s taint. He didn’t need to instruct further. Paul’s mouth tilted in a distracted grin, his thighs closing tight around Peter’s dick—and from there, Peter started to thrust, the soft warmth surrounding his cock nearly overpowering.

Paul was finally making a few sharp sounds as Peter’s thrusts sped up, thighs squeezing hard against his cock. The sounds got louder, turned into curses, turned into strangled attempts at Peter’s name. Between Paul’s moans and his own urgency, Peter couldn’t think, his pace speeding up, every brush against Paul’s cock, every tensing of Paul’s thighs pushing him closer to the brink. He came with a cry, spurting hot between Paul’s legs, Paul still urging him to keep going, just a few more, a few more. He managed, grunting, shuddering with exertion as he kept thrusting. Beneath him, Paul looked out of it and focused all at once, dick throbbing against his. So close. Too close. It was seconds before Paul came, quieter, spilling all over them both, head lolling back in the aftermath. Peter was still panting as he slid his cock out from between Paul’s slick thighs, as Paul put an arm around him, pressing a kiss to his jaw, his cheek, before finally meeting his lips again.

\--

The Gay Kitchen’s final evening went well. Ace and Gene had brought dessert—a box of oatmeal crème pies and a gallon of cheap Neapolitan ice cream—and they’d served it along with the hot dogs and stale chips. A beer apiece, except for Gene, who got a Sprite from the machine downstairs in a rare spendthrift moment. Paul’s come-ons and gropes weren’t any heavier than the night before, but there was a warmth and a relaxation in him that was new to Peter. A softer look to his expression he’d only been privy to late, late at night in the hotels, just before he drifted off.

Peter liked that. He liked that a lot. Feeling that, maybe, something of Paul’s might be reserved for him. That maybe he’d be let in for more than an afternoon. He thought he might be. He figured he would be.

They didn’t fool around that night. They didn’t really have the time to. Once dinner was over and Ace and Gene had gone back to their room, Peter took a shower, and then he started packing, too-aware of how quick check-out came. Particularly when they were headed straight down to the bottom edge of Florida tomorrow, a solid ten or eleven hours on the road, to play at some college or auditorium or—something. Peter was just glad Bill had secured them another handful of tour dates, no matter the location.

He tossed his makeup kit and street clothes and shoes back into his suitcase, fiddling with the wobbly latches, tracing the crack down one side. Ten to one the damn thing would break before they got out of Atlanta, but maybe he could tie a scarf around it or something to hold the luggage together. He turned to Paul, who was sitting on the floor next to him with his own ratty suitcase half on his lap, about to ask him, but Paul spoke first.

“You forgot your heels.”

“I didn’t. They’re in the laundry bag with everyone else’s.”

“Not the ones that go with your costume. The other pair.” Paul pointed under the bed. There they were, three-inch platforms he’d barely worn all tour, neatly placed. He didn’t remember putting them there.

He pulled them out, a piece of paper under one heel catching his eye. Setting the heels aside, he picked up the paper.

“Paul?”

It was the drawing of his dick. Paul hadn’t thrown it away after all. He glanced over at him, and Paul smiled, a little bashful. That hopeless smile he hadn’t been able to plaster on a single promo picture, more endearing and elusive than any sketch.

“It’s for you. I don’t know if I’d frame it, but…”

Peter felt himself grin back.

“Are you kidding? It’s the best drawing of my dick anyone’s ever gonna give me. I’ll keep it forever.” Peter held it up, examining it anew. “There’s only one problem.”

“I thought you were done critiquing my art.”

“Hell, no.” And Peter handed it back. “You gotta sign it for me.”

“I initialed it—"

“Sign it. Make it worth a million bucks someday.” Peter didn’t think he’d stop smiling as he leaned over, tousling Paul’s hair. “You can even add the star.”


End file.
